…and the 2010 turtle-wax award goes to…

Im not the 1st to say this, and far more important people have said it, and Im sure the people at FOX are thinking it:

Giants and Rangers world series? Who is gonna watch that?
…though the 49ers and Cowboys both suck bad this year, so the respective cities care, but thats it…

So while the remaining 95% of the sporting world hit offseason mode, its time that we award the awards that need awarding…and Im still waiting on that sponsor…

Again, these are the awards you DONT want to win…

 

The “You dont belong here” award
-Awarded to 1 of the 8 playoff teams that shouldn’t be in the playoffs
(previous winner: 2009 Minnesota Twins)

The Texas Rangers

This was a tough one since the top 4 teams in each league were also the playoff teams. The Rangers pulled off a 90-72 record this year, one game better than the 89-73 Red Sox. But seeing how the Red Sox had to deal with the Yankees, Rays, Blue Jays and even the Showalter Orioles…while the Rangers dealt with the AL west, Im inclined to believe that the Red Sox’s 89 wins carry way more weight than the Rangers 90 wins. The Rangers sucked, but they played in a sucky division and had Cliff Lee. If baseball ran like the BCS, Rangers would be home, not in the world series.

 

The “Sucks to be you” award
-Awarded to the team going home with a better record than a playoff team
(previous winner: 2009 Texas Rangers)

The San Diego Padres

Do I really need to justify this? Simply put, it sucked to be a Padre this year. HUGE lead in the west, then a nasty 10 game slide, then the slow, inevitable fall into nothing. Sad…so, so sad. They finished at 90-72, same as the Rangers but the NL west was a tougher division. Again, Padres wins carry more weight.

 

The “Orioles and Blue Jays would rather play in this division” award
-Awarded to the crappiest division in baseball
(previous winner: 2009 AL Central)

The American League West Division: Rangers, Angels, Mariners, Athletics

With the Blue Jays having a good year for the first time in a while, it sure was tough for them to remember that they play in the AL east. If they played in the west, they wouldve been no brainer 2nd place finishers. Add a few more wins since theyd be playing the Angels and not the Red Sox…and the Mariners instead of the Yankees…with that math, they mightve won the west or at least give the Rangers a run for their money. Only the Rangers finished above .500 in the division. All other divisions have at least 2 teams above water. Hell, every other division was able to produce at least 2 teams with over 85 wins.
-Honorable mention goes to the NL Central since they were pretty bad too, but they had 2 teams above .500 and above 85 wins.

 

The “steroid accusation rookie of the year” award
-Awarded to the slugger who is probably gonna get accused of steroids next, if not already
(I am NOT accusing the winner of steroids. I’m just saying he’s probably gonna get scrutinized next)
(previous winner: 2009 Aaron Hill)

Corey Hill of the Milwaukee Brewers
2010 HR total: 31
Previous high: 24 in 2007

I was all set to award Jose Bautista this award, but hes already dealing with steroid b!tching, and the spirit of this award is to figure whos most likely next. Otherwise Big Floppi would win every year.
Not a huge jump for Hart, but pretty noticable since he only had 20 in 157 games in 2008.

 

The “What the hell happened to you?” award
-Awarded to the team that fell off the map when they were suppose to be contenders
(previous winner: 2009 New York Mets)

The Seattle Mariners

They had Cliff Lee, they had King Felix, they had Suzuki…seriously, what the hell Seattle? You were suppose to be the new kings of the west.

 

The “Shut your God damn mouth!” award
-Awarded to whoever apparently talked too much during spring training
(previous winner: 2009 Chicago Cubs)

MLB Network

I wanna say it was either Peter Gammons and Harold Reynolds, but I remember watching MLB Network in the spring when they were breaking down the AL east and they were all but handing the Red Sox the division because of their “amazing” focus on pitching and defense. Thats all they could talk about: The Red Sox have great pitching and defense.
Well, not only did the Red Sox not even make the playoffs, but the pitching and defense forgot to show up this year. They were a terrible team defensively and their rotation crumbled. John Lackey didnt really pan out and most starters were either hurt of useless.
Good job MLB Network, you sure did pick a winner.

 

The “This years miracle, next years Rays” award
-Awarded to the team that made a suprise playoff run this year, and will fall well short next year
(previous winner: 2009 Colorado Rockies)

The Tampa Bay Rays

I was gonna rename this award every year in honor of the team that did indeed fall short, but seeing how the 2010 Rays are a doomsday prediction in wait, I figure the name should stick for now. The Rays are gearing up for a huge budget cut…and seeing how they didnt have much of a budget to begin with should bring fears to more than a few Rays fans. the 1998 Marlins come to mind of what happens when a budget cut hits a team after a postseason run.

 

The “This years Nationals, next years miracle” award
-Awarded to the team that sucked this year, but can make a run next year
(previous winner: 2009 Chicago White Sox)

Chicago White Sox

Dont be fooled, the White Sox wouldve won the central if the Twins were playing like 2009, not 2010. I still like their chances with Ozzie at the helm. and with the Rays dying off, thats one less tought team to deal with for the playoff run.
This is probably the best award to win, and the White Sox defended it, meaning theyre clearly not doing good enough. Congrats, youre still mediocre!

 

The “AAA team is disguise” award
-Awarded to the team that might have better luck in AAA
(previous winner: Washington Nationals)

The Pittsburgh Pirates

They were out after the 1st pitch was thrown. 18 strait years of losing isnt the best way to avoid this award.

 

The “Dull knife in the drawer” award
-Awarded to the biggest mental error this year
(previous winner: Washington Nati(o)nals)

President Barak Obama

He walked out to opening day in DC to throw out the 1st pitch…sporting a White Sox cap. Pretty stupid, but forgivable if he could at least name 1 White Sox player in history. Too bad he didnt. 
I talked about this in more detail earlier in the year. Obama, you win this award for talking when you have no idea what youre talking about. Congrats, dumba$$!

 

The “Results may vary” award
-Awarded to a player/team that didnt live up to the hype

Stephen Strasburg

To a certain degree, he did live up to the hype. But seeing how the hype surrounding Strasburg was that he would revitalize a crappy DC team into pennent chasers, he didnt quite produce, especially since he wont even be pitching until 2012 at the earliest. At least he was everything and more for all those minor league teams he played for this year.

 

 

-2009 awards